My Novelization of The Hoose-gow Laurel and Hardy!
by FanGirl Gamer
Summary: This is my Novelization of Laurel and Hardy's "The Hoose-gow" 1929. (Please R/R)


**NOTE: This story is not mine, and I do not own it or the characters.**

The Hoose-gow (1929)

Neither Mr. Laurel nor Mr. Hardy had any thought of doing wrong-As a matter of fact, they had no thoughts of any kind-

Wailing sirens filled the streets, as yet another police vehicle zoomed through the prison gates.

"Right, come on. Inside" One officer said sternly."Come on. Get inside" Said another, in a similar tone. About a dozen men exited the small compartment in the back of vehicle, gasping for air as the set foot on the ground.

"Come on, Leo" Said the officer. He did a double take as he noticed not everyone had left. Two men crammed in the corner still remained inside. Their legs were tangled and they had great difficulty to move. The larger of the pair spoke first.

"Why don't you keep your…" said Oliver Hardy, running out of breath. There was no reply from the other, Stanley Laurel.

"Hey!" Yelled the officer. "What are you guys trying to do, get away?" The men froze, still stuck inside the car. "Come on. Get out of there" Oliver threw a punch at Stanley's leg that hit him on the knee.

"Get you leg off…." he grunted. The officer was growing impatient.

"Hurry up. Come on" Finally, Oliver manage to break free and sat on a bench located beside him, while Stanley fell flat on his back. At long last the pair left the vehicle.

"Come on, you" As Stanley came out his foot landed square on the officer's, causing him to yelp in pain. Panic washed over Stanley and he made an attempt to return to the car, Oliver tried to follow him but it was no use."Hey! Come her" The office yelled, while pointing next to him. "Over here!" he said again. Oliver made a poor attempt to get himself and his pal off the hook.

"Officer, we didn't have anything to do with this. We were only watching the raid" He raised his eyebrows and grinned ear-to-ear, trying to make himself seem innocent.

"Is that so" The officer didn't seem convinced. "Well, why didn't you tell it to the judge?"

"We did, but he wouldn't believe us!" Squealed Stanley. The officer was very amused by this.

"Of course he wouldn't believe you"

"You can't keep us in here. We've done nothing" Stanley protested, raising his voice. Oliver gasped.

"Shhh!" he whispered.

"I wont shush!" Yelled Stanley.

"Oh, I cant eh? Well, I…" Another officer interrupted him. Stanley violently kicked Oliver's knee.

"Oh!" He yelled in pain. Getting his own back, Oliver shot his foot at Stanley's buttocks, making hit hat fall over his eyes. Stanley returned the pain by kicked Oliver in the same place, causing him to let out anther cry of pain. Fed up, Oliver went to kick his companion as hard as he could, But an unexpected dodge made by Stanley caused Oliver's foot to hit the officer. As the officer yelped, the two men tried to hid in the police vehicle.

"Now, you two get over there!" He began. "I'll tend to you later. Go on!" He violently shoved Stanley against with partner. "Get outta here!" The pair stood against a wall, looking glum. Stanley took off his hat, reviling his fluffy hair. He began to scratch the tip of his head. Stanley began to sequel so high-pitched that it was almost impossible to understand.

"What are we going to do now?"

"Shut up" Said Oliver sternly. "Everything I all fixed" He moved closer to Stanley. "You see that gentleman over there?" As Oliver pointed his thumb towards a gang of men, a scruffy-looking man met his gaze and smiled. "He gave me these" He pulled out two small apples and held them in his hands. "All we have to do is throw these over the wall. That's the signal for his pals to get you and I out!" The men looked over at the man again, he signalled for them to thrown the fruit. Oliver handed Stanley the biggest apple.

"Tale that now and…." An Officer had been watching them and was now hurrying in their direction. "Shhh!" They hid the apples. The officer held out his hand.

"Give me that apple!" He said with an impatient tone. Stanley began to whimper. Slowly, Oliver placed the apple in the officers hand. He then turned and faced Stanley. "Come on. Give me that" Stanley shrugged his shoulders and didn't say a word. Oliver secretly pulled out a third apple and grinned to himself. Turning around the officer spotted Oliver's failed attempt to hide it and snatched the apple from his hand. He returned to Stanley. "Come on. Give it to me" He shrugged his shoulders again. "Stick 'em up!" Stanley raised his arms while the officer patted his sides, searching for the fruit.

"Where's the apple?" Mouthed Oliver. Stanley opened his mouth to reveal that the apple was lodged inside there. The pair nodded and laughed silently. The officer returned to his normal standing position and glared at Stanley's mouth.

"Mm-hm…..Come on. Cough up" Stanley didn't wish to argue and attempted to cough up the apple, But it failed to leaved his mouth. He tried to fling it out with his fingers but also failed.

"Come on. Quit your stalling" Once again, Stanley began to whimper.

"I can't get it out! Someone help me!"

"Cough!" Encouraged Oliver while he patted his friends back. "Come on. Don't get excited now."

"The man'll coke to death" Said the Officer. This made Stanley panic even more.

"Cough once. Cough" Yelled Oliver, who was no violently shaking Stanley. Coughing and whimpering, Stanley still couldn't free the apple from his mouth.

"Do something, will you?" Said the officer impatiently.

"I can't do anything. He'll choke to death" Replied Oliver. Stanley squealed once again. Stanley shot his elbow back in panic, which landed in the officer's stomach.

"Oh! Why, you….!" By kicking Stanley in the buttocks, he managed to swallow the apple whole, relieving him of his problem. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"Lucky for you that it wasn't a pineapple" Said the officer sternly. "And no luxuries here!" The men gasped when the officer flung the apple over the high wall. As the officer turned to face them, a rope ladder was flung in return, Stan and Oliver acted like they had nothing to do with it.

"Not a sound!" he said to them as he began to climb the ladder. As his head peered over the wall the two men holding the ladder made a run for it.

"Beat it. It's a bull!" The ladder slide down the wall and the officer landed in a heap. He ran through a large door and caught a glimpse of the men that held the ladder as they ran away. Stanley and Oliver followed him outside.

"Hey, you guys! Hey!" Giving up, the officer returned to the prison without Stan and Ollie. Realising what had just happened Oliver grew excited. But being friends with an incredibly stupid man had it's down side, Stanley foolishly knocked on the walls' door. Oliver pulled him away.

"We're free! Come on. Let's get out of here!" They ran, as fast as their legs would let them, but they didn't dare to look back. With a gun in hand the officer shot twice in their direction. With holes in their trousers Stanley and Oliver slowly made their way back into the prison.

About a dozen men cracked and shovelled stones in the hot sun, chains around their ankles. Stan and Ollie were two of those men. Struggling to complete his task caused Oliver's hat to fall into the dust. Before he could retrieve it, Stanley's pick-axe had already pierced a hole through the material. Stanley began looking around nervously, He removed the hat from his tool and passed it to his pal.

"Give me my hat!" Said Oliver angrily. To make matters worse the axe then got caught in Oliver's jacket. Ollie became impatient and tore the jacket as he yanked it away from the pick-axe.

"Why don't you be careful?" He said.

"I couldn't help it. It went in your pocket" Replied Stanley innocently. Oliver examined his axe with Stanley's, The size difference was about a meter, foolishly he handed Stan the larger axe, and kept the smaller one for himself.

"Now watch what you doing" As Oliver bent down Stanley planted his pick-axe into the dust, directly under Oliver. He struggled to remove it. When he did, it went strait into Oliver's buttocks.

"Ow!" He yelped. "Give me that pick!" He yelled as he violently grabbed the axe a threw it to the side. Oliver handed him a large shovel.

"Here. You can't do any harm with that!" But Oliver was wrong, as Stanley spun around, the handle of the shovel hit him hard in the head. He yelled and cried in pain.

"I ought to break you neck!" He grabbed Stanley by the throat. "I'd just as soon stay here all my life."

"Hey, you guys!" Yelled an officer. The two men quickly returned to work. Panicking, Stanley accidentally slammed his foot onto Oliver's.

"Ow!" But his cry of pain was muffle by the loud sound of metal on metal. The cook hit a metal triangle. Oliver and Stanley stood still, unsure of what the sound meant. Other prisoners sped past them, One was kind enough to tell them what was happening.

"Come on. Let's eat!" He yelled.

"Eat?" Stanley handed Oliver the shovel and ran off, Ollie dropped it and charged after him, but tripped over the ditch they had been working it.

"Hey!" He shouted.

A large bench next to the cook's tent was set for the prisoner, while the officer had his own, smaller, but elegant table. Hungry, the men began to rattle and bang their eating utensils. As a much older officer spoke to the other, his was drowned out by the men.

"Hey, what's with you guys? Cut it out!" He yelled. When there was silence the older officer spoke.

"They want you on the telephone sir""Ok" He dropped his napkin and left his table un-guarded. By the time Oliver and Stanley had arrived at the eating bench, there was no where for them to sit, and the food was going fast. Oliver moved to the man closest to him.

"Pardon me, But would you gentlemen be so kind as to make a little room for me and my friend?" He said shyly. The prisoner pointed to the officers tiny eating spot.

"Why there's your table over there" He said, he had a large smirk on his face.

"Thank-you" Oliver tipped his hat and left. Stanley was about to sit down, but Ollie punched his arm to remind him that he always sits first. The pair sat down and began to plate up.

On the other side of the cook's tent the two officers were chatting."I just got word the governor was coming out to inspect the camp"

Stanley was having trouble with the salt, he shook and shook the small shaker but nothing came out. He began to tap and shake it violently. Then he had an idea, quickly he un-screwed the lid, poured a pile of salt into his hand and lightly sprinkled some onto his soup. He then threw the rest of the pile in as well. As Stanley put the shaker back, he neglected to screw the lid on. So when Oliver poured salt, all of it fell into his soup. He glared at Stanley.

"I ought to make you eat that!" Stanley became shy, and not to make eye contact with his annoyed companion. "Why don't you be careful?" He asked sternly. Oliver didn't notice the angry officer stood beside him and poured his very much ruined soup over his foot. The officer was fuming.

I beg you pardon" He said politely, unaware of why the officer look so angry.

"Get away from my table!" He screamed. "Get out of here! Go on!" The pair literally leaped from the chairs and ran. Stanley returned and handed the officer a napkin.

"Aaah! You…." He scared Stanley off. The pair stood inside the cook's tent.

"What do we have to do to get something to eat?" The cook handed Oliver an axe.

"Get me some wood and I'll fix you up" He said in his deep voice.

"How much do you want?""Listen. The more wood you get, the more you get to eat."

"Thank-you" Oliver handed his partner the axe.

"Come, Stanley" He said cheerfully. The pair stopped by a decent sized tree. Stan found a small square of wood on the floor and attempted to chop it. Oliver shook his head.

"No, no, no, no, no!" He dropped the wood. "The more wood, the more food." Ollie pointed at the tree that towered above them.

"Oh, the tree?" Said Stanley.

"Correct, now, come on" But like the pick-axe incident, Stanley's axe was caught in Oliver's pocket. With out thinking Stan pulled it free, Making another whole in his friends coat.

"Why don't you do something to help me?""It caught in you pocket" He said innocently. Ollie snatched the axe away for him.

"Give me that axe! Now, stand back" He began to chop, swinging the axe harder each time. Stanley tried to help by pushing the tree, but of course, it didn't move. Oliver became annoyed and pushed him out of the way. Stan moved forward to inspect the damage and almost got his head cut in half.

"Why don't you stay away from here?" Stanley didn't answer, he just shrugged his shoulders and stepped away. Oliver picked up the axe and swung it again, but he realised he was holding it the wrong way around. Stan grinned from ear-to-ear and pointed at him. Oliver hated this and tried to hit him, but he missed. After a lot of chopping, the tree began to fall, but the looked up and gasped. A police officer who was meant to be keeping was in the tree and was now falling to his doom. He woke-up quickly.

"Save me! Oh, help!" He cried. The tree fell and landed on the cook's tent, causing and explosion of dirt and dust. Officers and prisoners ran to shift the tree. While Stan and Ollie ran to hide. An expensive-looking car rolled towards the tent.

"Here comes the governor to inspect the camp!" announced the officers. "Get thins in order!" Men began to run around and panic. "Come on. Come on!" All the prisoner ran back to the ditch and began to work again. The Governor was an old-looking man in a smart, clean suit wearing a top hat. Two young ladies followed him out of the car.

"And how is everything?" He asked.

"Everything is under control" Replied the officer.

"Very good""Right this way, please" The officer began two show the Governor while the ladies inspected the workers. They seemed to be rather attached to Stan and Oliver. Stanley noticed this and stood up and stared at them. He patted Oliver on the shoulder. As Ollie stood up, the two women gasped at each other then swiftly walked away. The two men smiled and waved as they left. Once again Stanley's pick-axe was caught in Oliver's pocket, and once again they yanked it out and tore another hole into his coat. Oliver was now fed-up with this. He stole his axe from him.

"Give me that!" He lobbed the axe in the distance and began to say something, but his words were interrupted by a loud clanging. The pick-axe had gotten lodged in the Governor's car, and water was shooting out. Stanley pointed at Oliver. He signalled for his to keep quite as they tip-toed over the car. They removed the axe and Stanley put his hand over the hole to try and stop the water, but his plan failed.

"Stop it" Said Ollie. "Now what are we going to do?"

"I don't know…" Whimpered Stanley.

"Oh, shut up!"

"Hey!" A prisoner called out to them. "I'll tell you how to stop that leak. Put some rice in the radiator" At first Stan and Ollie looked unsure.

"Get some from the cook's tent" He said.

"You go get it and I'll watch this." Said Oliver. "Now, hurry up, too" He shot off to the cook's tent as fast as he could. He returned with a large bag of rice.

"Here!" He said with delight.

"All right. Hold that" Said Ollie. "Now put your hand over the hole" He instructed Stanley, as he began to pour in the rice.

"Is it stopping?" He asked.

"I don't know" Stan moved his hand, but water wash still pouring from the car. Ollie poured in more rice.

"Try it now" And to their delight, the water was gone.

"That's it!" Said Oliver. Stanley called over to the prisoner.

"It worked" They notice the approaching Governor and ran.

"Come on. Get back to work now" Said Ollie. The women were the first to return to the car and then the Governor.

"Well, goodbye, Governor" Said the officer cheerfully. "I'm very glad that you're please with the condition of our camp here" He continued. As the car engine started Stan and Ollie smiled at each other and laughed silently.

"All right. Everything seems quite in order" Said the Governor. The lid from eh radiator flew off and some kind of slimy goo came shooting out. Stan and Ollie noticed this and stared. The Governor's eyes widened as he saw this too. The officer examined the substance and glared at Stan and Ollie.

"Hey!" He called. Be signalled for them to come over to him. Stanley began to whimper. "Did you do that?" he said angrily, point at the goo. Stanley bent over to look at the mess, as he did the officer kicked him sending him head first into it. Stanley got back on his feet, almost un-able to see. He picked up some goo. "Don't do it!" Mouthed Oliver.

"Don't you dare!" The officer warned. Stanley ignored him and sent it flying into the officer's face. Oliver was shocked. The officer attempted to get his own back, but the goo that he threw landed on the Governor. He was fuming and ran over to him.

"What's that for"

"I'm sorry, sir"

"You're sorry? Ha ha" He looked at Stan. "He's sorry!" Oliver smiled. The Governor went to get his own back but his attack of goo hit Oliver in the centre of his face. He began to wipe his face. Oliver moved towards him. He tapped Stan and then pointed to the goo, Stan nodded his head and picked up a large pile of it. He placed it gently in Oliver's hands and then picked up a pile of his own.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Warned the Governor. As Oliver threw his goo the Governor ducked, which caused the officer to get hit. "Ha ha! You missed me!" But Stanley still had his goo and smashed it on the Governor's face. The prisoners her laughing hysterically.

"Stand back." Said the Governor.

"Now wait a minuet!" Squealed Stanley. The Governor was shocked as his goo landed on one of the women that had stepped out of the car. The over woman began to laugh. She picked up a large pile of goo and interrupted her companion's laughter by throwing it at her.

"Ladies, ladies" Said the officer. The women threw some more goo, which hit the prisoner, who told Stan and Ollie to put rice in the car. The other prisoners continued to laugh. It had turned into some kind-of food fight. Everyone was covered in goo and there was a great mess. Oliver turned to face Stanley.

"Let's get out of her!" He yelled.

"Let's get the militia. They'll fix them!" Said the Governor to another officer. "Any car will do. Let's get out of here" Said the Governor. "I'll fix them!" But as they reversed the crashed into a large truck. Paint cans from the truck were spilt all over them. Stan and Ollie had been hiding in the back, the rose to their feet. There were completely covered in the white paint.

The End.


End file.
